Sometimes in life, people say awful things to or in front of us.
This can be well-meaning Boomer parents not realizing that it’s not okay to comment on other people’s bodies.
It can also be bullies and mean girls at school who like to punch down by making rude remarks about what we’re wearing or how we look. Or it can be hateful people online talking about other folks’ sexuality or gender.
Even if the negative or nasty comment isn’t directed at us, it can still leave us feeling icky and uncomfortable just hearing these careless remarks.
I’ve recently learned a wonderful phrase to use in times like these: “What an interesting thing to say out loud.“
I like this because, let’s face it, we all have thoughts that are sometimes rude or discourteous. However, the more evolved among us choose not to say those things out loud.
I also like this response because it is spicy, yet understated. It lets people know that you disapprove of what they said – but not in a way that will embarrass or ridicule them. Should they feel a twinge of shame? Sure – but we’re not stooping to their level by insulting them.
That’s what I love the most about this phrase. It allows you to retort with dignity and without resorting to insults or rudeness. After all, two wrongs don’t make a right.
There’s another benefit of having a standby phrase like this to use when you need it: saying it will give you a moment to take a breath, center yourself and decide whether you want to say more.
There are clearly times when “What an interesting thing to say out loud” isn’t enough. If someone uses slurs, derogatory language or hate speech, then using a one-off zinger like this one won’t suffice.
In cases like these, we do have to dig deep into our reserve of courage and speak out to let them know exactly why their words are wrong and why we won’t stand for hearing things like that. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and offer a simple explanation to educate them about why their remark is unacceptable. I’m not afraid of being “that girl.”
It’s more important than ever to speak out against microaggressions and hateful, hurtful comments because those in power in the U.S. these days are normalizing and even encouraging this behavior. When conservatives rail against “wokeness” I just have to shake my head. Being “woke” means having empathy for other people – and as far as I’m concerned, that’s an essential, minimal requirement for being human.
Next time you’re in a situation where someone says something hurtful or hateful, try responding with “What an interesting thing to say out loud” and see how it goes. I’ll be doing the same over here in my little corner of the universe!
Together, we can make this world a place where people are kind to others and follow that other age-old conversational rule: if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
