Sometimes as a parent, we need to have difficult, uncomfortable and awkward conversations with our children.
I’m talking about topics that we don’t even want to THINK about, let alone talk about with our precious angels. It would be so much easier to avoid these conversations or put them off until later – and some parents do that. No judgment here – I get it. I once felt that way, too.
Many of us have a deep and abiding dislike for, and instinctual avoidance of, difficult conversations. I’m sure I am not the only parent who has felt this way. It would be so easy to ignore awkward or painful topics and let children find things out in their own time and in their own way. I never wanted to be the one to tell our child about “bad” things – I just hoped she would come to me when she had questions.
But I now know that it’s best for children to hear about things from their parents, so that when they are exposed to these topics, they’ll know how to cope with the situation and they’ll go tell a trusted adult.
Wouldn’t you rather have open, honest conversations with your child about difficult subjects – even if it gets uncomfortable at times – than leave your kid to find out on their own from peers and possibly hear misinformation instead of facts? Why rob yourself of the opportunity to educate your child and set them up for success?
All of us are doing the best we can. But if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t avoid these painful or difficult subjects – I’d embrace them wholeheartedly. I have done since, I do now and I always will going forward… but sometimes I wish I could go back to 4th grade or just before it and share some things before she was exposed to outside influences.
Mark my words, friends. Everything changes right around 4th grade. Have these tough convos BEFORE age 10 if you want to properly equip and educate and prepare your child for things and misinformation they may see, hear and learn from friends or peers at school.
- Vaping. I am shocked how early in childhood vaping becomes an issue – I’m talking late elementary school and all throughout middle school. We are fortunate to be in one of the best school districts in Ohio, yet vaping – both nicotine and THC – are rampant in our middle and high schools. I wish I had talked with our kiddo about avoiding these things far in advance of her being offered them at school and on the bus; The Kids Mental Health Foundation recommends talking to kids as young as kindergarten or first grade about substances and alcohol. I wish she had heard from us how dangerous, harmful and insidious vapes are long before she ever saw an older “cool” friend using them. Vaping is a massive problem among our young people. Vapes are tiny, super easy to hide, practically odorless, highly addictive and can be found EVERYWHERE middle school and high school kids are. Back in my day, the gross smell and taste of cigarettes were a natural kid-repellant – but vapes are literally scented and flavored specifially to attract children. It makes me sick to see vaping in TV shows or movies. I am constantly shocked by the parents who say, “Well, at least it’s not something worse.” Vaping – whether nic or THC – *is* something worse! Believe it.
- Porn. Never in a million years would I have believed that my sweet, innocent baby girl would be exposed to Internet porn multiple times at the home of a close friend who identifies as Christian and is a textbook “good mom.” And all during or just before 4th grade. I wish I could go back in time and talk with her earlier about this difficult topic. There are so many great resources to help parents with conversations about porn and what kids should do if a friend shows it to them; the best I’ve found is Cath Hakanson. Curiosity about bodies is natural but some things just can’t be unseen. I wish I could have prepared her better so she’d have known to tell me about it sooner and reduce exposure. I remember seeing Playboys and books with adult content as a child, but not actual Internet video porn and certainly not the dark stuff now available online. Your children WILL see Internet porn if they haven’t already – please prepare them, and yourselves, for this eventuality. If their friends have phones, they will see it… and most of their friends have phones.
- Suicide. It wasn’t until working at The Kids Mental Health Foundation that I learned suicide prevention education should start in elementary school. I wish I could go back in time and talk to a much younger Z about big emotions, suicidal thoughts and how to cope with them. This never would have occurred to me back then and I’m sure it would have helped her so much! I remember a few years back when a friend told me their middle-school-age child couldn’t be friends with Z anymore because she talked about suicide and their child “wasn’t ready to hear about that.” According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), rates of suicide attempts and deaths among children have increased in the U.S. over the past decade, and suicide is now the eighth leading cause of death in children age 5–11. Middle school is not too young to be talking with kids about suicide – if anything, it’s too late. We must talk with kids about big emotions and suicidal thoughts between 3rd and 5th grade because if our own child doesn’t end up experiencing these struggles, one of their friends likely will. We want them to be familiar with the concepts so they know how to help by telling a trusted adult.
Every child will eventually come across vaping, porn and the topic of suicide – they are a reality of life in this day and age, and they are becoming an issue earlier in the K-12 experience. By giving kids the information they need before they need it, we’re equipping them to deal with these issues and hopefully prevent any trauma or difficulties that can come from being blindsided by such things at a young age.
What other tough topics do you think parents should discuss with children early, and do you think I should write more about this issue? I was thinking of making this the first part in a series. Let me know what you think in the comments below or over on Facebook or Instagram!
