Sometimes parents have to say no – or not right now

I don’t mean to brag, but our kiddo got pretty lucky in the parents department.

She knows it. She calls us her “besties” – and not just when she wants something.

We’ve had our struggles and hard times, like all families, but one thing is sure: Z always knows she is loved and cherished. And she knows we love saying yes to her!

Yet sometimes, even doting parents have to say no – or at least not right now. That’s been the case recently, as Z asked to get her nose pierced for her 13th birthday and we’re just not ready to go there.

We don’t have any issue with nose piercings in adults – even young adults. But 13 is just too young in our opinion.

Yes, it’s true that piercings are temporary and she can take it out if it doesn’t agree with her or she changes her mind – but there’s always the possibility of scarring. That aside, it just feels too young – period.

E and I are firmly united on this issue, despite Z’s disappointment and displeasure with us. She clearly thinks we’re old fuddy-duddies, but that’s okay. Hey, we let her pierce her Squishmallows so we can’t be that old-fashioned.

I didn’t start getting body piercings (beyond the socially accepted earlobe piercings) until I was 24. I’m not suggesting Z has to wait that long, because clearly times have changed, but we would like her to wait until she is 16.

It’s possible we could flex a little to age 15 over the next few years if she continues to want a nose stud this badly. But one thing we’re rock solid on is that 13 is too young!

Z was so adamant that we’re the outliers on this, and that “all other parents” would allow a 13-year-old to get her nose pierced, that I decided to query my friends on Facebook. I pride myself on having a pretty diverse friend group and figured we’d get some good input.

Here are some of the responses I collected to the question du jour: at what age should a young person be allowed to get a nostril pierced?

  • “18. When you are old enough to not have parental consent. The end. Same with a tattoo.”
  • “The earlier it’s done the worse it’ll look as an adult because bodies don’t grow aesthetically.” (I don’t know if this is true, but it sounds plausible and I’ll definitely be using it!)
  • “I took my daughter to get her nose pierced at 14. She takes care of it and hasn’t had any problems so far.”
  • “I got my first tattoo with my mom’s permission and her with me at 16/17. She wouldn’t have agreed to a piercing so I got my first piercings when I was 18. But I would allow my kids to do things that they seem committed to when they want to. It is their body. If my 11 or 14-year-old really wanted it, I wouldn’t immediately say no.”
  • “High school age? Maybe after a several months waiting period to make sure they still want it, and give them time to do research on care and possible complications.”
  • “If my child asked at 12/13 I would agree. Maybe I’d suggest a trial run with a clip or magnet one just to get a feel for it. They make some really good falsies that can help you mull it over or buy some time.”
  • “It depends on the young person. Are they able to take responsibility for keeping it clean while it heals to prevent infection? I think a parent knows if that is a yes or a no.”
  • “Nose…15. Give or take a year! Lol. I’d be more concerned with what was going in it– hoop? Stud? And the aftercare. I would be more inclined to say yes to this than a tattoo due to the permanence factor.”

I was interested to see all the varying opinions. It does not seem that our view is too far out of line with those of other parents, despite what our kiddo might think.

It’s honestly hard for me to say no to something like this because I do agree with the idea of “her body, her choice.” Since she was very young, we’ve always respected Z’s choices to express herself creatively, pretty much any way she sees fit. Z has flexed these muscles by experimenting with makeup, dyeing her hair wild colors and even trying out different gender expressions and names.

Our answer about the nose piercing is not a no or a never, it’s simply a “not right now.”

What would you say if your young tween or teen kiddo asked for a nose piercing? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below or over on Instagram or Facebook.

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About the author

Proud and loving midlife mama. Lucky and devoted wife. Dog, cat and snake mom. Travel nut. Natural born writer. PR and social media pro by day - tattoo doula by night.
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