Growing up with English parents meant that I got to hear some interesting Victorian-era sayings.
One of the most memorable British-isms from my father was the occasionally-heard criticism that my brother and I were “pleasure bent.” He said it during the summer when we ran around having fun outdoors all day rather than being focused on schoolwork, chores or some other way to be useful.
Looking back, I can only laugh at this memory because a child’s job is literally to be pleasure-bent.
The quote “Play is the work of childhood,” attributed to Maria Montessori, is so true. Being pleasure-bent is exactly how kids should be – although, as a parent myself now, I can understand how that carefree lifestyle could also annoy someone who grinds hard all day in an office.
Interestingly, a quick online search for its origin revealed that the phrase “pleasure bent” appeared in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, written in the early 1800s – also spoken by a father to his daughter. The expression also appears in a poem called Alien by Helena Jane Coleman, published in her 1906 Songs and Sonnets.
So why am I seemingly suddenly fixated on this concept of being pleasure-bent? I think it’s because of my growing realization that I want to focus more on pleasure in my life. For a long time as a mom, I was pretty focused only on Z’s happiness and enjoyment, but now that she’s a teen and so much more independent, I have time and space to think about my own joy and pleasure again.
When we’re kids, for a while we get to be pleasure-bent and focus just on things that are fun, feel good and make us happy. As we rise through life, responsibilities get added and we focus on pleasure less and less. As adults, it is honestly hard to fit in pleasure between work, family responsibilities, household duties, etc. I think that’s where the expression “guilty pleasures” came from – because we literally feel guilty if we allow ourselves to take time for pleasure.
But it’s so important to make time for joy and pleasure! That’s one of the reasons I love living with dogs and cats – they are such inherent pleasure-seekers and can be our pleasure role models.
From seeking out sunny spots in the house, to jumping on any delectable morsel of human food that drops from above, pets are really good at being in the moment and finding glimmers of joy throughout their daily life. Even something as simple as their humans walking in the door is cause for a grand celebration!
Spending time with, and petting, our beloved furry companions is definitely a source of pleasure in my life. So is reading – I love to immerse myself in a great book and literally go to another world in my mind. Is it a form of disassociation? Possibly – but it’s immensely pleasurable and, in these times, a little disassociation can’t be helped.
Travel is a huge source of pleasure in my life: planning trips, looking forward to them, taking them and then obsessing over the photos forever more. Collecting tiny, pretty things like crystals, figurines and other miniature treasures is another source of pleasure for me – as is knolling or arranging them in new, aesthetically pleasing ways.
Food and yummy little treats have always been a source of joy and pleasure for me. I love food from warm places. I’m a huge fan of Haribo gummies, especially from other countries. I adore exotic treats such as Indian cashew fudge, German marzipan or Mexican jamoncillo (milk fudge).
Lately, I’ve been focusing on self-care and finding pleasure in nature, time with friends and learning languages with Duolingo. The dance classes I take at our local gym are the latest source of pleasure and happiness in my life.
How much pleasure do you have in your everyday life – and are you always looking for new ways to bring joy and feeling good into your existence? I’d love to hear your thoughts on being “pleasure bent” in the comments below or over on Facebook or Instagram.
