It may seem unusual to discuss the positive aspects of a divorce, but there are indeed many.
Like flowers that bloom after a bad storm, it feels like the thing I most dreaded and feared has actually brought about some pretty amazing changes in my life.
I was deeply committed to a “stay together for the kid” mindset for years, but as I have learned at the glorious young age of 55, that’s not always the best choice after all.
Our daughter has thanked us multiple times, both verbally and in writing, for the positive changes that our marital de-transition has brought about in her life. Bottom line: she is happier now that we’re happier. She actually enjoys the novelty and of moving back and forth between homes every few days. She gets lovingly greeted by her pets every time she moves to the other home.
It feels like we all appreciate each other more now – both human and non-human.
As for me, I’m noticing that my parenting is far more intentional in this new coparenting chapter of life. Because I don’t have Z here all the time, when she is here, I really want to make the most of our time together. I try to make every night a special occasion. I want to cook her favorite meals, watch our favorite shows and do things we both enjoy.
I’m more likely to listen to her now, instead of talking (or even worse, lecturing). I even appreciate doing her laundry while she’s gone, because I miss her and it makes me feel close to her. I love that she returns home to clean laundry when she comes back.
I will say that in light of all this intentional parenting time, it’s been hard to get back to some of my normal routines – like going to the gym. Back when we were all living together, I would go to the gym anytime I wanted. “Bye, I’m heading to dance class!” I would holler in Z’s general direction, and then I’d peace out.
But now, because I only have her half the time, I am reluctant to go to the gym and “waste” any of our precious time together. I’ve offered to take her with me, but so far she hasn’t taken me up on the offer. And the last thing I’d ever want is for her to feel like I don’t value spending time with her because I opted to go to a dance class over spending time with her.
So I am definitely working out less often than I’d like, and I need to find a way to get back to more of my beloved dance classes. I can go early on Saturday mornings before she wakes up – I’m certainly taking advantage of that time. But most of my favorite dance classes take place in the evenings, so this is the conundrum I’m faced with: spend my evenings with Z or leave to get my dance on.
It would be so much easier if Z wanted to go to the gym, too. Maybe this winter she’ll give it a try. I suspect she’d love it – all of my favorite dance classes are a total vibe!
I may have to start dancing at home to videos on YouTube on the nights she’s here with me. Who knows, maybe she’ll join me for an impromptu living room dance party? I’m sure the dogs would be thrilled.
Stay tuned as I figure out how to infuse more dance into my life any way I can!
